Aku tak pernah menagis dihadapan bonda seperti hari ini. Aku tak punya tempat untuk mengadu. Akhir-akhirnya aku kembali juga pada bonda. Walaupun kami tak serapat seperti pasangan anak-ibu yang lain, tapi ini perihal keluarga. Aku tak rasa aku boleh bercerita pada orang lain hal masalah ini. Hati aku terbeban. Renyuk hati aku. Dan bila aku luahkan apa aku rasa, apa yang terjadi sebenarnya hati mula rasa ringan. Tak ada senandung lagu sedih. Aku tau tak baik kalau berkecil hati dengan orang, tapi aku cuba menafikan perasaan itu. Pengakhirannya, aku meluahkan segalanya kepada bonda. Bonda juga tempat aku mengadu. Walau selalu berperang di medan dapur, aku baru rasa penangan seorang bergelar ibu.
Terima kasih, bonda.
Aku tau hari ini sepatutnya hari gembira bagi aku, tapi lain pula yang jadi.
Hari itu panas terik. Aku pulang sendiri dari sekolah. Tak lama kemudian 2 orang perempuan menyapa aku. Tak perlu di tanya siapa. Tapi yang pasti aku kenal mereka. Sibuk bertanya; apa berlaku pada aku. Aku?
11 October bersamaan 2 Ramadhan.
Hidup aku kacau bilau. Perlu ke aku ungkit kembali kisah ini ? Mungkin belum tiba masa yang sesuai. Sebab aku masih rasa terancam dengan perkara ini. Dan hard copy "entry" masih bersama mereka. Mungkin. Bukan bacul. Cuma berjaga-jaga. Tak mahu ulang mistake yang serupa.
Yesterday, I got into a fight. Not a real fight like those men always do. It is a PSYCHO fight. Actually,I didn't want to end it that way. But, my heart is already exploded a day before it. I was screaming all over the house. And my mom did called me crazy for my lunatic behavior. I don't know what the hell is going on right now. I think our relationship end that way. I did asked him to act like we're never knew each other. Mean girl. I knew that. Yet, that is the best way for me. I don't care what he thinks about it. Actually, I'm already forget his number since before I entered my collage, and moreover, I did ask him to delete my phone number. That was the best decision that I ever made you know ?!
Then, he did whatsapp me on my phone. Like seriously, wishing me for good luck in examination. I know it is not a bad thing. But you know, when you already forget someone and not long after that when you reread the phone number that on the screen, you just realize that it was your !@##$$%^&&. Wow, amazing! And the thing that put a shame on me is, how could I asked him "who is this?" with a smile on the last sentences.
About yesterday, I felt so angry over him. Actually a couple months ago, I didn't end it really well. I'm just asked him to stop contact me and delete my number. Yesterday, I asked him to act like we're never knew each other, and if he meet me in person, just walk away like he always do. Quite daring, for those words. Even back then, we're just friend, but I wanted to stop being friend with him. For what happen in past few year, I don't think that I can continue it like this. Even, you still want to be friend with me. Let's stop it here. These days, you kept annoying me. Felt harted that I can't ignore it. Till now, I'm sick of man. Sick of you, sick of every man in this world. I don't want to hate you, but your behavior was a shamed on me. No its not a shamed on me but yourself. Hopefully, you'll realize what is the biggest mistake you ever done on yourself. Until now, I don't think that I can tell you why I feel this way.