I used to think that the first impression is not important except for something vital like attending an interview. Well, you can't judge the person base on their appearance.
First and formost, I don't really care about my appearance as long as I covered my aurah properly. Some of my friends always worry about what they gonna wear for the class, what color should they match for thier baju kurung and hijab. Surely that is not my style. Who's care about what you wear? Your fashion? Your color of baju kurung or what-ever-it-is! But, kindly remind right here, please covering your aurah properly, NOT warping your aurah with tight cloth.
Since I'm entering CFS, I'm always being asked by others with this question;
"Are you comes from religious school?"
I think that is what people attempt to think about me, because of my appearance. Well that is what thier first impression about me. Certainly, I'm not good in Arabic language, my knowledge is not at the stage like Ustaz or Ustazah and I'm still learning right now.
A few days ago, my friend said something like this to me;
" If I'm not her roommates, I'll never knew that she is the only child in her family."
When I asked her why, she refused to tell me, and I made my own assumption,
"Maybe it because of my character."
It just my own conclusion after the conversation. I never knew why she said so and I don't think I need to ask her again when she said no. After all, don't judge the book from its cover. You never know who or how is he/she at the first place during your first meeting.
Last but not least I want to emphasize something about aurah. As far as I concerned, covering aurah is compulsory in Islam. There are some people did said something like this;
"Tak semestinya orang yang tak tutup aurat tu jahat dan tak semestinya orang menutup aurat tu baik"
Here I did like to say something, even you're good and nice person but you don't cover your aurah properly, how good your first impression to Allah SWT? And for those who covering aurah properly, in term of aurah you already follow the rule but in term of your bad personality are sure that you already have a good first impression to Allah SWT?
In conclusion, not covering your aurah properly still committing a sin and having a bad personality like backbiting, having a relationship with ajnabi, free mingling, cheating and ect, also still committing a sin. Both cases is still committing a sin but different causes. One who is not covering the aurah and one who have a bad personality.
If you are a good person with a good heart, in sya Allah, one day Allah will give you a hidayah that will lead you to the righ path. And don't be surprised that one day, the one who covering his/her aurah properly will not cover his/her aurah anymore, because hidayah comes from Allah. He, The All Mighty will choose who ever He like to give His hidayah or to take away His hidayah.
Good person always got a good heart. In sya Allah.
Yesterday, I went to Sarah's room. I can't hold the boredom inside me. Yet, today is my third day for me being alone in this room. All of my roommates went back to their hometown or their uncle's house as it is CNY holiday. And, I am a loner right here. Sigh.
Well, I met Fadhlina yesterday. She supposed to be at Kinokuniya, KLCC at noon, but she canceled her plan and hanged out with me and Sarah for the whole day. Surely, I had a lot of fun with 'em.
" Weh, aku nak letak gambar Matluthfi lah dekat facebook aku, buat default picture." - Fadhlina said to me.
"Lah letak jelah, dia kan public figure. Tak ada orang marah pun." - I did uttered something like this to her.
"Ye lah tapi..." - Her face expression changed dramatically.
I knew what she gonna said to me. With those face expression, I can understand THE feeling.
"Being scared of what people said or thought of you." - splendid answer (!)
Who cares what the other people said to you?? They just want to make you feels down, lower your self-esteem and etc. Do what ever you want to do as long it not gonna break the Syariah's rules. You're not even committing a crime. You just want to use Matluthfi's picture as your default picture. Do you think that you need to ask his permission to use his picture and post something like this to him;
" Assalamualaikum, abang Matluthfi saya nak guna gambar abang buat dp dekat FB. Boleh tak?"
Just change your default picture with what-so-ever-poses-of Matluthfi you wanted to. He is a public figure. He will truly understand you as one of his fans and everyone could have his pictures including you. Don't tell me you're admiring Matluthfi90? Lol. I don't think he will mad at you. He doesn't even know who you are. Well, he got a zellion gallons of fan out there and I don't think he knows all of them.
Proudly to say that, I'm not a hard-die-fan of Mathluthfi90 and one more thing, the duck face is not suitable for you as you are not a bunch of high school kids anymore and you're doing master right now. Lol, I don't think that you're being scared of what other people said or thought of you. (Letak tangan atas bahu, mata tengok atas) Btw, thanks for entertaining me with your videos because some of them did managed to release my stresses and some of them just annoyed me. Haha.
- 12:38 AM ; Stranger by Dean Koontz still can't knock my heart.
As usual, today, in Physics's class, my mind and my soul are completely out of range. The lecture is teaching about free falling and telling us about his experiences about air pocket situation.
Suddenly, I remembered about Can You Keep a Secret? one of Sophie Kinsella's novel. I smiled alone in the class when I'm remember that Emma told all of her secrets to a stranger when the plane hits air turbulence. Even the situation that explained by my lecture is not the same like in the novel, however I can't stop thinking about it. The scene of Emma telling her secrets during the turbulence completely appeared in my mind, and I felt like I wanted to laugh out loud during the class. It just like I saw the scene in 3D! Lol. But I still can behave myself during the class. Still, I can't stop smiling. I don't care what's the other said about.
My life is full with imagination that was untold to other people. But I don't think that, it only happen to me. I'm glad that I still could smile till this day even a lot of things is already happened to me.
Thank you Allah.
- 4:04 PM ; alone again, naturally. p/s :Where did I left my focus during the class?
I think there is something wrong with my SPM's slip. I got A+ for Physics. After all this time, I don't think I need to ask myself, how could I get A+ for this subject but now I need to question it . Am I having other person SPM's slip?
Today, I'm having physics class. Those alphabets and formulas in the Collage Physics textbook was attacking me like a mad bull. For the time being, I think I am stupid in Physics. However when I thought about it again, if I am stupid, I won't be able to get A+ in Physics. So I named it miracle. All praises to the All Mighty God, Allah.
I think I need Physics for Dummies book. Ugh, I felt like I am in another world when the lesson started. Surely, this is not the end between me and Physics. Last but not least, I'm glad that Physics is not equivalent to Chemistry who hate me so much.
Chemistry is a madness, Physics is unknown and Biology is a pure and lovely thing that I ever meet..
You're seeking for a war. Good job. Why I am saying so ? Because you're messing up with a wrong person. You just started a war with me because you stole my seat. I was there and you just sat beside me without even asking me nicely to get my seat. You knew that, no one is at the back except me. That's why you dare to take my seat without using any urges. You already knew that I'll walk away.Yes you're right. It is happened just like you wants.
The worst part began, I needed to move from my seat. I'm just walked away from my seat and gave it to you. Arguing about who's seat is this won't settle the problem.Yet, I don't think that I needed to talk to you. It won't bring any solution, so it is better for me to keep my mouth shut and save my voice to talk about other stuffs. If I won't do so last evening, it is really meant to be a world war III between us. My hot-tempered won't make you last longer.
Thanks to Allah, for kept me silent for last evening, even I was sulking until the end of the class. I don't know what will happen if my temper is exploded like a mad volcanic eruption in the class today. May be the chairs gonna flying everywhere, or may be I'm gonna cursing you for all evening today or may be we need to cancel our class that evening. But, sometimes, stays silent is better than talking. Plus, being silent ain't mean that you're such a loser. Too much talking won't bring any goods yet you'll gain a load of sins.
Btw, thanks for being soo polite! Your Songkok is not going to buy my first impression towards you. And surely, you won't be able to runaway from the lecture's attention as she always keeps an eye on you guys. I'm not mad, but a little bit pissed off. I'm not being upset for every boy in my class, it just that one who stealing my seat, okay?
So this is the solution: Don't you ever dare to steal my seat again! Bereh?
I am apologizing for my misbehave, if you think so.
2:55 AM ; again, I've class with you 'em tomorrow. Why there's need to have boys in my class?!
I'm still here. It almost 5 o'clock in the morning. Yet I can't sleep. If I sleep right now, I won't be able to wake up for Subuh prayer. Well actually, I'm just finished watching Ustaz Azhar Idrus's videos. And now, the VLC Player is broken. So I can't continue to watch it.
Then, I'm stalking my older posts on my blog since 2009. To think about it again, most of my posts is fulled with shitty things; Love, problems, school etc etc.. Well it is a common norm for a school kid to post about their school's life. After that, I read about my stupid love story. Phuih. It about 4 or 5 years already since I ever had a boyfriend. Sound like a pathetic but I'm very happy with my current life right now because I don't need to mess up my life with useless thing like having a boyfriend.
Well for the first time in my life, I am very grateful for broke up with him even though I can't accept it at the beginning. Now, I'm almost forget everything about him. What he already done to me in the past and bla bla bla... The birthday wish or what ever it is. I think, if I don't post it on blog, I will barely able to remember anything about him because a lot of things is going on in my life. Surely, it kinda pleasure to have a boyfriend but that is not what I'm really wanted to. When I flashed back the memories when I was with him, we never gave a name to each other like "sayang" or "abang" or what-so-ever-sweets-name-it-is. Alhamdulillah, I am proud to not to do soo. Who do you think you're to call someone else like that? He/she is not even your husband or wife. It just for self pleasure. Hypocrite people always do so. I knew it for a long time ago. Well I'll keep that words for my future husband. In sya Allah.
Talk about a husband, it kinda scary you know, when you have a secret admire and suddenly they went to meet your parent and talked about marriage. You don't ever know him. It just happen like that and the worst part is your parents agreed about the marriage arrangement. Agrh, stop it already. It gonna be more scarier if it is really happen in the real life. That is the most thing that I wish it won't be happened in my life. Back to the story;
And then, during 2010 I had been through a hardship, where there is a very massive controversy in my school about my blog. I used to blog by using brutal words, curses or what ever that hurts other feeling. Almost to get expel or something like that from the school. Aftermath, I skipped school for a week. I went to KL for shopping. Silly me. Just runaway like from the problem. Then went I back, I just made myself cleared. that if I don't change to other school I'll ensure I'll do something that I could clear my name again and gain my confidence back. Then, during taking the SPM's slip, I was listed as straight's As' student for SPM 2011. Alhamdulillah. I did cleared my name again, but to be able to archive at that stage, it was not really easy. In form 5 I stayed low so people won't talk back to about me. Even that low, there is still rubbish talk that want to take me down again with the stupid surat layang. Hurm, never mind. People always do mistake. I'm already let it go for a long time ago. Let bygone be bygone.
Everyone used to make mistake before. Plus, I'm really glad to do such mistake because, it make me realize what is the purpose of living in this world. Being a khalifah on this earth is one of our AMANAH. However there is always a thing I really want to do.
Dad if you read this can I ask you something ?
- Do you know that I have a bf before, and did you caught me in red but you just let me away? lol.
- Did you go to school and met the principle aftermath?
- Do you hide any secrets from me just tell me the truth..
I don't think he reads my blog. Well if he really read it can we have a talk like-fathe- like-daughter? Just like always we have done it before. Lol.
5:56AM ; It takes a lot of time to flash back the memories. lol.
Throughout my life, I used to have my own lullaby. Well when it comes about lullaby, I'll choose it carefully so I could sleep, safe and sounded. When I started my secondary school, I was fully exposed by English Song by the radio, internet, friends etc etc. Well, English song is not that bad at my first thought. However, after year by year, I'm started to realize something.. Something odd about myself.
Then, when I started to learn about English song, there is a strange bond between me and these songs. I mean, every song. I began to attach to 'em like a nail to a finger. Every single English song will be my lullaby, every night. Plus it getting worst when I owned my personal Hi-5 speaker. Every night my room will be like a disco as the volume is turned up to the max! I felt like having a party in my room. Sighs.
To think it again, I did missed something during those years. My soul is empty! Those English Songs did made me felt alive, but the truth is my life is like a zombie. A body without a soul. I used to think that, this is my happiness. I used to say that I am fine, this the way of life that I wanted to live like. Until one time, I realize that this English song never fill my emptiness. I lost my way.
Till there, I won't tell you what happen to me after that. Its gonna be a long journey to go back to the past and flash back the memories. I won't do so, as I want to say here that, I do made a wrong judgement at past. English song is good indeed, but it is just "good". In other term, not good enough to lead your life. And please don't listen to English song before you sleep. Ain't no fun dude! They'll hypnotize your subconscious mind during sleeping. It quite scary actually. Certain lyrics have cursing words. So its better for you to listen to zikrullah or ayat-ayat suci Quran.
Actually, until now I'm still listen to 'em. But not kinda drug addicted like I used to be, before. It just for fun but it not gonna be my lullaby anymore. Well it is hard to remove a bad habit just like that.
Hurm.. Right now I try to listen to nasyid and qasidah. Surely they're not my taste, they don't have the" hard, rock and cursing" part. "Just another lame songs" - This is what I used to think at the past. But, now I want to get use to listen to this song so it gonna be a part of me.