I'm still here. It almost 5 o'clock in the morning. Yet I can't sleep. If I sleep right now, I won't be able to wake up for Subuh prayer. Well actually, I'm just finished watching Ustaz Azhar Idrus's videos. And now, the VLC Player is broken. So I can't continue to watch it.
Then, I'm stalking my older posts on my blog since 2009. To think about it again, most of my posts is fulled with shitty things; Love, problems, school etc etc.. Well it is a common norm for a school kid to post about their school's life. After that, I read about my stupid love story. Phuih. It about 4 or 5 years already since I ever had a boyfriend. Sound like a pathetic but I'm very happy with my current life right now because I don't need to mess up my life with useless thing like having a boyfriend.
Well for the first time in my life, I am very grateful for broke up with him even though I can't accept it at the beginning. Now, I'm almost forget everything about him. What he already done to me in the past and bla bla bla... The birthday wish or what ever it is. I think, if I don't post it on blog, I will barely able to remember anything about him because a lot of things is going on in my life. Surely, it kinda pleasure to have a boyfriend but that is not what I'm really wanted to. When I flashed back the memories when I was with him, we never gave a name to each other like "sayang" or "abang" or what-so-ever-sweets-name-it-is. Alhamdulillah, I am proud to not to do soo. Who do you think you're to call someone else like that? He/she is not even your husband or wife. It just for self pleasure. Hypocrite people always do so. I knew it for a long time ago. Well I'll keep that words for my future husband. In sya Allah.
Talk about a husband, it kinda scary you know, when you have a secret admire and suddenly they went to meet your parent and talked about marriage. You don't ever know him. It just happen like that and the worst part is your parents agreed about the marriage arrangement. Agrh, stop it already. It gonna be more scarier if it is really happen in the real life. That is the most thing that I wish it won't be happened in my life. Back to the story;
And then, during 2010 I had been through a hardship, where there is a very massive controversy in my school about my blog. I used to blog by using brutal words, curses or what ever that hurts other feeling. Almost to get expel or something like that from the school. Aftermath, I skipped school for a week. I went to KL for shopping. Silly me. Just runaway like from the problem. Then went I back, I just made myself cleared. that if I don't change to other school I'll ensure I'll do something that I could clear my name again and gain my confidence back. Then, during taking the SPM's slip, I was listed as straight's As' student for SPM 2011. Alhamdulillah. I did cleared my name again, but to be able to archive at that stage, it was not really easy. In form 5 I stayed low so people won't talk back to about me. Even that low, there is still rubbish talk that want to take me down again with the stupid surat layang. Hurm, never mind. People always do mistake. I'm already let it go for a long time ago. Let bygone be bygone.
Everyone used to make mistake before. Plus, I'm really glad to do such mistake because, it make me realize what is the purpose of living in this world. Being a khalifah on this earth is one of our AMANAH. However there is always a thing I really want to do.
Dad if you read this can I ask you something ?
- Do you know that I have a bf before, and did you caught me in red but you just let me away? lol.
- Did you go to school and met the principle aftermath?
- Do you hide any secrets from me just tell me the truth..
I don't think he reads my blog. Well if he really read it can we have a talk like-fathe- like-daughter? Just like always we have done it before. Lol.
5:56AM ; It takes a lot of time to flash back the memories. lol.