Dilemma

Here I am, staying up all night. Finishing my last tutorial for SHE 1114. This is my last semester as a first year student, yet next year I'll be senior in this collage. For the next semester I was thinking to change my program.

Yes, change my program.

Its not like I dislike the current program, but sometimes I need to sacrifice for my own future. Thinking about the consequence for short term and long term. How does it affect my future. A lot of things is going on in my mind.

Critical thinking always give me such a hard time. I called my parent last night, I told them that  wanna change my program. Since I'm in dilemma choosing the program, I sought for their advises.

I was in between Physics and Biology.

How I wish Physics and Biology could be together. But I know that it never ever happen, from a long time ago. Since Biology is my favorite subject and Physics is like an enemy for me, but I still got confused between 'em. I'm just don't understand,  why Physics always act nicer to me than other subject. It is really unpredictable result.

If I change to Physical Science program, there is no other turning point to get back to Biology. And I'll choose Physics as a major subject in the main campus. Whereas, if I decide to change to ALHS I still could learn my favorite subject and if I have "reazki" I could proceed to medic in the main campus if my result is excellent. Well Physical Science is a little bit different from my current program as I'll drop Biology and add Comp 2 and Math 3. My current program's subject is alike to ALHS's subject, so nothing is changing except for the course during degree.

However, everything is still blurred. Yet the change program form is already came out. I scare if I miss the due date and I could not change the program ever again.

I wish I could settle everything within this week. Amin



2:47 AM - Pray for my success.


Rebellious

It is my true nature to be rebellion girl. I love myself for being rebellious. It such a good moment, when you can show off your true color (true feeling). Being rebellious doesn't mean that you're a bad person. Sometimes, it just for showing unsatisfied feeling towards something. Yet, after that you'll feel absolutely awesome! And sometimes you doesn't realize that you also hurts someone's feeling.

I used to be rebellious girl during my high school, but now I don't expected to do the same thing again. Well, when I think about it again, I guess it is quite rude. I am no good in seeking apologize to other people, but I am good in admitting my mistake and my wrong doing.

Expect the unexpected thing.

But for yesterday, I didn't think about the outcome of my attitude. After I'm discussing with my friend, I did realize something. I thought that I am changing right now, however there is still a part of me that want to feel being rebellious for once again in my life.

Just like in the novel, everything is predictable but you never know the ending till you finish it.




- Morning, 08:15 ; I thought that I am V Cool. But actually I'm not.
I am a strong girl with a strong immune system. But lately, my body getting weaker. Its quite rare for me to get sick. Now I'm sick. This is my first time I get caught by fever since last year. I didn't expected to get fever at this time. I think that my body condition is quite okay, but a few day ago I started cough badly.

Since this is my first time I'm having fever in campus, it is quite unbearable for me to manage my own body. Well, I really hope mom was here beside me. Cooked my favorite dishes, put a cold pack on my head and kept me in warm with thick blanket. I miss her right now.

I let my ego down when I'm getting ill.


Otai,

Sejak aku berubah, banyak perkara sekeliling aku pun berubah. Sebagai contoh, aku tak jadi hardcore blogger macam dulu dah, bahasa blog aku pun dah tak ada sumpah seranah yang entah apa-apa itu. Uncertainly, kadang aku sendiri tak sedar apa berlaku dekat blog ni. Terbiar macam sesawang labah-labah.

Luaran aku pun dah tak otai atau rugged macam dulu. Like seriously, aku MATANG! LOL. Matang. Itu yang aku nak tekankan. Tapi bila cakap dekat diri aku sendiri yang "Aku dah matang." selalu je senyum sendiri. Mungkin sebab tak ada orang nak cakap aku matang, so aku puji diri aku sendiri.

Lagu hardcore atau rock kapak omputih pun aku dah tak dengar sangat. Dengar tapi jarang. Perubahan diri aku sendiri pun menyebabkan blog aku berubah secara tak langsung. Cara penyampaian itu sendiri sudah menunjukkan kelainan.Cara percakapan pun dah tak kasar macam dulu, dulu cakap ikut sedap mulut tapi sekarang cakap bertapis dahulu.

Teman lelaki ? - Tak ada dalam list hidup aku sekarang. Tak berminat.
Kawan lelaki? - Aku tak ada kawan lelaki sejak aku masuk sini. Semua classmate lelaki aku dekat sini aku banned awal-awal. Tak berminat nak buat kawan. They're so helpless. Cukuplah kawan-kawan lelaki aku masa sekolah menengah. Yang kenal perangai otai dan gila aku. Yang tu pun dah cukup. Aku tak nak tambah dah kawan lelaki yang lain.

Apa lagi yang aku berubah ? Hurm, banyak. Tapi tak perlu mention semua. Malas nak ungkap cerita lama.






13:2 - Heart Attack, - But you make me wanna act like a girl